Pure Wisdom: My Tourney Picks

Rather than give you a whole long spiel about my picks, I figured I'd just show you:

Click here for my bracket (PDF file).

New Orleans, Part 1

I arrived yesterday afternoon about 4 or so...no major issues on the road from Memphis to New Orleans, but that changed upon arrival here in the Big Easy. I did what I normally do when taking a road trip - I print out directions from Mapquest or some such, and 9 times out of 10, that's fine. This was the 10th time out of 10. I was instructed to get off at Exit 234B, which seemed easy enough on paper. The big problem emerged when I found out there is no Exit 234B - at least none that I could see.

So I rolled on past the area where I should have exited, and got off somewhere else...and was immediately lost in New Orleans. Great. But I figure I'm smart enough to find my way around downtown N.O. - I know what streets to look for, and I know roughly where I'm supposed to be, so it shouldn't have been a problem. There was one slight issue, though...probably 25-35 percent of the intersections I saw had no street sign at all. No sign whatsoever. I had to basically drive around and just sort of hope I managed to find the right street. I eventually did.

I was told last night by a couple of locals that people who came down here to help rebuild or do construction work have been helping themselves to authentic, 100% New Orleans, LA street signs! Apparently those street signs are made of gold or something, because the New Orleans city government has not replaced them at all. I wish they would. It would have made my trip a bit easier.

The hotel is nice, and isn't far from the French Quarter. A few of us headed out to Bourbon Street last night and had fun. Oddly enough, I didn't see one single Tiger fan, but I saw two, count 'em, TWO Nevada fans. I assume Tiger Nation hasn't made it down here yet. Most of the fans haven't arrived yet - or, if they have, they weren't on Bourbon. I know they're coming.

I'll be back with more later.

Team Videos Are Usually A Bad Idea

After I posted the Redskins video below, it inspired me to find more old promotional team videos. Of course, all team videos ever produced will have to be compared with the legendary Super Bowl Shuffle:



That's the gold standard. Sure, it's cheesy and hasn't really aged well, but it's a classic. We are the Bears, shufflin' crew, etc. That's what it's all about. These other videos have been forgotten, and rightly so.

But I've spent (too much) time running some of the worst offenders down, and here they are, in no particular order:

1987 CALGARY FLAMES: "Red Hot"

BEST VISUAL: The close-up of Lanny MacDonald's almost impossibly bushy mustache as he prepares to open up the lip syncing magic. Like the best horror movies, it is partly frightening and partly enthralling.

BEST LYRIC: The chorus - "You can't touch a flame when it's red hot, you can't put the fire out. Like a magic thing (?) that can't be bought, you can't touch a flame when it's red hot!" Profoundly stupid.



1986 NEW YORK METS: "Lets Go, Mets Go"

BEST VISUAL: You won't believe me when I tell you, but Joe Piscopo makes an appearance about halfway through, informing us that the "big story" is that the '86 Mets are awesome. He then defies the odds to make the video even dumber by tapping ACTUAL MET PLAYERS' HEADS to make them bobble, a la commemorative bobbleheads. This is worse than it sounds. Bonus points for including Joe Piscopo, though.

BEST LYRIC: "Where there's a Met man, you'll find a Mets fan." What does that even mean?



1986 DALLAS COWBOYS: "Christmas in Dallas"


BEST VISUAL: State-of-the-art technology allows the Reunion Ball and the Bank of America building (you know, the one with the green lighting bordering it at night) to combine into one badass 1986 Christmas Tree! How did they do it?? (Close second: a seemingly drugged Danny White struggling with his lip syncing parts)

BEST LYRIC: "When there is snow covering the ground, there's one thing I know - there is no better place I have ever ... fo-ound!" Too many words. Condense it, fellas.



1987 MINNESOTA TWINS: "Berenguer Boogie"

BEST VISUAL: This entire video is garbage. But certainly the creepiest visual is a shot of a bunch of children followed immediately by a (lingering) shot of a trench coated man's crotch, panning up to reveal Mr. Berenguer. Off-putting. Arguably the best visual comes when Juan Berenguer (still in trench coat) "dances" with a bunch of fitness models with giant permed hair.

BEST LYRIC: The chorus. "The Berenguer Boogie, (unintelligible - sounds like "I will ask, he will know"), The Berenguer Boogie, Señor Smoke." Maybe this is better with the unintelligible part intact.

SPECIAL NOTE: What's with all the trench coats? Was Juan Berenguer a trench coat salesman or something? Were the Twins flashing fans in the offseason? Very weird.



1988 FLORIDA STATE: "Seminole Rap"

BEST VISUAL: It's gotta be either Burt Reynolds' brief appearance at the very beginning of the video, or "Chip and Pete", the whitest QBs ever, trying to look like something other than two huge dorks. They fail.

BEST LYRIC: Also courtesy of "Chip and Pete" - "I'm Chip, I'm Pete, and we're the QBs; we've got the best job, as you can see...No matter what you do, we're gonna score, and if you make us mad, we'll score some more." I bet Chip and Pete aren't scoring as much these days.



Anyone know of any more recent terrible team videos? The Grizzlies ought to make one soon.

The 1986 Redskins Have a Message For You

A lot of people have huge nostalgia for the 80's, for some reason. Oh sure, there were many good things that happened in the 80's - Nintendo, Phoebe Cates, Porky's, MTV, Who's the Boss, ALF, parachute pants, I mean the list really is endless. Of course, not everything reached that epic level of awesome.

The 1986 Redskins made a video thanking all their fans (thanks to the outstanding Dan Steinberg at the DC Sports Bog for finding this beauty). As one of those fans back in 1986 (and now), I appreciate the sentiment. But not the video. This video was produced in the 80's and is decidedly not awesome. Well, not for its intended reasons. It combines all the Casio-keyboard-inspired rhythm of a Midnight Star video with all the awkwardness of an 8th grade dance. Here are a few highlights to look and listen for:

• The fans' complete lack of rhythm throughout the song (but especially at the start)
• Jay Schroeder looking very, very confused
• Russ Grimm and his caterpillar mustache attempting to "rap"
• Professional football players line dancing
• Players punctuating the word "loyalty" by thrusting their groins
• So much creepy, unsettling line dancing
• Ray-Bans, Ray-Bans, Ray-Bans
• Darrell Green's angry rapping
• WILLARD SCOTT!
• Doug Williams' very bad rapping
• A police car carrying an enormous Redskins wind sock
• The pièce de résistance: a slow-motion Fun Bunch high five!

Watch it:

Tyrus Thomas Is Somewhat Athletic

This might be the best play in the NBA this year.

Billy Packer Should Be Fired

If anyone can watch this and tell me Billy Packer is anything other than a shill for Coach K and the Dukies, then they're insane. Packer knows how bad Gerald Henderson's forearm shiver to the face of Tyler Hansbrough looks (and is), and he goes into full defense mode to protect his buddy Mike Krzyzewski. It was full of belligerent repetition of the "it was unintentional" line; repetition that barely extended Jim Nantz a chance to respond. At this point, Packer sounds like nothing more than a grumpy old man with an axe to grind.

Actually, forget a regular grumpy old man. Packer sounds like THE Grumpy Old Man.

Grumpy Old Man: I'm oooooold! And I'm not happy! And I don't like things now compared to the way they used to be. All this progress -- phooey! In my day, we didn't have these cash machines that would give you money when you needed it. There was only one bank in each state -- it was open only one hour a year. And you'd get in line, seventeen miles long, and the line became an angry mob of people -- fornicators and thieves, mutant children and circus freaks -- and you waited for years and by the time you got to the teller, you were senile and arthritic and you couldn't remember your own name. You were born, got in line, and ya died! And that's the way it was and we liked it!

Life was a carnival! We entertained ourselves! We didn't need moooovin' pitchurrrres. In my day, there was only one show in town -- it was called "Stare at the sun!" ... That's right! You'd sit in the middle of an open field and stare up at the sun till your eyeballs burst into flames! And you thought, "Oh, no! Maybe I shouldn't've stared directly into the burning sun with my eyes wide open." But it was too late! Your head was on fire and people were roastin' chickens over it. ... And that's the way it was and we liked it!

Progress?! Flobble-de-flee! In my day, when we were angry and frustrated, we just said, "Flobble-de-flee!" 'cause we were idiots and we didn't know what else to say! Just a bunch o' illiterate Cro-Magnons, blowin' on crusty handkerchiefs, waitin' in lines for our head to burst into flame and that's the way it was and we liked it!

"In my day, Coach K never did nuthin' wrong! And that's the way it was, and we liked it!"

In Defense of Pau

I was embarrassed by what I saw at the Forum last night. Once again, Pau Gasol was booed loudly by a huge section of Grizzly fans in his home building as the Grizzlies lost to Denver 111-107. Pau wasn't great in the 4th quarter, and missed 3 key free throws in the final minutes of the game. But that doesn't justify the treatment he's receiving from large numbers of Grizzly fans.

First, the facts. Pau Gasol did ask to be traded. He did so by going to Majority Owner Michael Heisley and GM Jerry West separately and asking to be moved, if possible. Heisley gave Pau assurances his request would be considered; West did as well, though privately West was said to be seething. Pau did not make this request public. Somehow, Peter Vecsey found out about the official trade request and his initial report opened the subsequent floodgates of media coverage - coverage that Pau Gasol did not seek. Pau did not pout or moan or throw a fit to try to get traded; on the contrary, his numbers and contribution to the team remained high amid speculation about his future.

But none of that matters to some Grizzly fans. Many people have never liked Pau - ever - and have found any and every excuse to boo him at the Forum. Pau misses a FT? Boo him. He misses a jump shot? Boo him. He gets beaten on defense? Boo him. Never mind the fact that almost every Grizzly is defensively deficient at one time or another, never mind the fact that he has consistently put up 20 points and 9 rebounds shooting 50% or more from the field, never mind the fact that most NBA scouts consider him at least a top 10 (maybe a top 5) offensive player from 15 feet and in. None of that matters to the haters. All that matters is that Pau is either soft, or foreign, or weak, and they boo.

Is it Pau's fault that the organization hasn't built a proper team around him? They identified Pau as their centerpiece when they signed him to his max contract, yet they have utterly failed to build a team around his strengths. They've not drafted players to suit Pau, they've not signed free agents to suit Pau, and yet they expect Pau to singlehandedly lead this team out of the doldrums. The blame for that lies squarely at the feet of Jerry West and the Grizzlies. It's one thing to pay a guy and identify him as your centerpiece, it's another to actually build something around him. Pau is never going to be a tough guy. Never ever. This shouldn't have to be repeated over and over. He needs a bruiser next to him, a guy like Ben Wallace. That's why a move to Chicago would have been perfect for Pau and for the Bulls. Wallace could guard the more physical big on defense, hiding Pau's weakness a bit (and allowing Pau's defensive strength - shotblocking - to be emphasized), while Pau could absolutely go nuts on offense.

Look at Kevin Garnett. He's an immensely talented, very tough, incredibly driven athlete. And he's saddled with an organization that has failed to build around him. So what has he won? Nothing. Only once, when the team added Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell to complement him, did KG win a playoff series. But does KG get booed? Of course not. He's lauded for his determination. Perhaps he asked to be traded - we don't know. We wouldn't have known about Pau's request except that someone in the Grizzly organization leaked the information. And you wouldn't have known by Pau's play - he's looked precisely the same throughout this season.

By the way, who among you wouldn't explore other avenues of employment if at your company the following things had happened:

• Your boss had been fired and replaced by an interim boss of questionable qualification (who himself will soon be replaced by an unknown entity).
  
  
• Your company owner was publicly looking to sell your company to a group promising to cut costs and rely on underpaid young talent.
  
  
• Your company had already failed to give you the tools and coworkers you needed to be truly successful in your job.
  
  
• You were constantly criticized publicly for your effort and your product despite having won award after award and being the best at your company year-in, and year-out.
  
  
• You had been sick for a while, but you rushed back to work because your company needed you, only to be criticized for a lack of production as your were trying to get back into the swing of things.

If all that happened to you, wouldn't your résumé be on Monster.com within seconds? Of course it would. Pau can't do that, so his only recourse is to request a trade.

After having been booed virtually all season long, and after seeing thousands of fans last night cheering louder for Allen Iverson and Carmelo Anthony than they did for him, Pau was understandably miffed. Here are some quotes:

Pau Gasol says it is "mindblowing" that Grizzly fans don't support him.

He thinks some Grizzly fans were happy that Denver beat the Grizzlies last night.

I can understand his frustration. It makes Memphis look like a low-class city when the fans boo the best Grizzly player consistently for petty reasons. He's far and away the best player on the team. How do you think it makes Rudy Gay feel to see the best player on the team booed mercilessly? He must wonder what it takes to satisfy Grizzly fans - and he probably wonders if he'll ever get booed if he screws up. That's no way to endear yourself to a group of players. Hakim Warrick missed key free throws late in the Spurs game last year. That cost them a game - does he get booed? He plays no defense - does he get booed? Lawrence Roberts missed free throw after free throw last year in Boston, costing the Grizzlies a game...does he get booed? Mike Miller plays no defense. Does he get booed?

For that matter, Carmelo Anthony is great on offense, plays no defense, has only made one All-Star game, and has never been on a team that has won a playoff series. Sound familiar? But does 'Melo get booed? Not in Denver, and not in Memphis either. Pau Gasol was booed more than Carmelo Anthony in the Forum.

The attendance this season has been poor, which is understandable - it's a bad team in a rebuilding year. But the poor attendance mixed with the booing makes this a terrible atmosphere for players. And if you don't think that plays a role in whether free agents will come to Memphis, or whether current Grizzlies (like Rudy Gay) will eventually want to re-sign with the team you're crazy.

It's time this came to an end. Pau Gasol and the rest of the Grizzlies deserve better.

GEM MINT TEN!

I ran across this earlier this morning while surfing the internets. This guy is a legend. A true sports icon. And it's time I gave him his credit on this site.

I used to watch Mr. Don West all the time when I was in college - he was on the legendary Shop at Home Network from, I dunno, like midnight to 4 am. And this guy loves baseball cards. I mean, he LOVES him some baseball cards. Every card was a Gem Mint 10 (whatever that means) or at least a 9 - and every pack was available for such insanely low prices that you would have to have serious brain damage not to order at least 5 at a time. But you had to be patient - 'cause the phone lines WERE ALWAYS JAMMED! You could not get through!

My favorite Don West trait was his tendency to elongate the S at the end of wordsssss. Like thisssssssss. Listen for it in this first video - and enjoy Don getting so excited about the 6400 card deal that he spills everything all over the floor. It's great.

ACTUAL QUOTE 1: "Literally, you can swim in 'em!"

ACTUAL QUOTE 2: "You're getting six thousand four hundred! Ooohh, another Mark McGwire...man I just love this! Oooooo, Joe Montana, ha ha ha ha ha! And there's an old Tommy John! Look at this!"



And then, there's this. Nothing honors the memory of Dale Earnhardt more than buying one of these limited edition jackets.

ACTUAL QUOTE 1: "We got XL. I'm wearing an XL, and, believe me, that's the size you want."

ACTUAL QUOTE 2: "We obviously know that this is a screw up on the price. I'm just giving you warning right now."

ACTUAL QUOTE 3: Don: "This is the coolest jacket of them all." Kenny: "Holy cow. Ho - lee cow." Don: "You better believe this is unbelievable."



Finally, if you spent $4000 on a Tiger Woods Grand Slam Ventures Rookie Card on the advice of Don and Kenny, you are an idiot. But it is a GEM MINT 10 PERFECT ROOKIE! So you've got that going for you. Besides, who doesn't love golf cards?

ACTUAL QUOTE 1: "If you order this, you will be the happiest person on the face of the planet."

ACTUAL QUOTE 2: "To me, this is like buying stock in a biotech company the day before they announce they found a cure for cancer or something."



Thanks to donwest.org and the Youtube people who uploaded this great stuff. I miss Shop at Home.

A Great Idea (via Email)

Listener/reader Blake emailed me the other day with an idea I think is fantastic. It's a way to combine two of my favorite sports - soccer and college football - into one big concept to improve college football as a whole. I hope you enjoy:

First, I know this is a pipe dream, but it is an enjoyable dream!

As both a college football and soccer fan I have come up with a too brilliant for words idea. Trash the BCS and simply go to a relegation system just like the English Premiership and other leagues around the world! Can't you just see a premier league with about thirty teams, complete with relegation and a short playoff to end the year (Maybe six teams?)?

Then you have three lesser leagues just below that feature smaller or less successful teams like Vandy, Memphis, Notre Dame (note from Peter: that's funny), etc. Can't you just see the yearly frustration of all those golden domer fans as they struggle to make the B-league jump? Or fight relegation to the D-League? Can you imagine the insane blogging we would have? And how cool would it be to see a team like Buffalo dominate the D league for a few years and move up eventually (Wigan style) to the A-league?

To me this makes too much sense and would be way too fun to ignore. Memphis would have something to play for every year: a C-league championship and promotion to B! Even the worst division one team (as it's now defined) can't have any excuse for totally sucking. If you are scraping the bottom of the D league then maybe you just belong in the NAIA or the Women's Professional Football League.

I digress. Again, I know this will never happen because it blows away all the current financial obligations, sacred bowl worship and, most fatal of all, it is too soccer of an idea. How lame.

When I become ruler of the earth this is what is happening to college football.

I'm hoping Blake does become ruler of Earth.

Peter King Hates Prince

Before I get to my thoughts on the Super Bowl, I just want to pass along briefly my thoughts on Sports Illustrated writer Peter King. He's bad. Real bad, folks. I've written about King before - his obsequiousness with certain players, his self-righteousness with cultural issues ("You're better than that, Reggie Bush!"), and his generally smug style of writing. But reading his Monday Morning QB column this morning, he's got something going on that I don't understand.

Three separate entries in his column:

1. "Prince, Schmince."

2. Sitting next to Rick Reilly in the press section. "You know what I call Prince?'' he said before halftime. "Not 'The Artist Formerly Known as Prince.' But 'The Artist Formerly Known.'''

3. I did not understand the pregame show or the halftime show.

OK. Let's address these one at a time:

1. What does this even mean? Prince, Schmince? Is he just trying to belittle Prince? Outside of the jungle gym in 4th grade, I'm not sure where this insult is considered effective. King, Schming.

2. He hits us with this Reilly "zinger" just a few lines later in the piece. But it makes no sense. Everyone knows Prince. Everyone. Prince stole the show last night - in the rain, he just blew the place apart. Tore it up. He's still world-famous, as evidenced by the fact that he's the halftime entertainment at the SUPER BOWL! Does the NFL typically book no-names? Idiots.

3. How do you not understand the halftime show? I might give you the pregame show - Cirque du Soleil are kind of weird and bizarre, and when they performed at FedExForum at halftime of a Grizzlies game, I was totally lost. So that's fine. But the halftime show was precisely one thing: Prince singing. If you can't understand that, you probably suffered a brain injury. Folks.

Looking through his columns from earlier in the year, he took a shot at Prince a few weeks back: "Good thing the NFL is promoting the Prince Super Bowl appearance so heavily. It would also be a good idea to promote some of his music, because he hasn't had a song any of the human race has heard since, oh, about 1999." Is Peter King on crack? Did the Stones, or McCartney, or any of the other legends at Super Bowl halftime have "recent hits"? No. They are musical icons, jackass.

So, clearly Prince angered Peter King. But how? That's a story I'd love to hear. My guess is that Prince is a Starbucks freak, and stole all the coffee so ol' Pete couldn't get his usual double-mocha half-caf triple-espresso caramel butternut dreamsicle Colombian rustic blend that we all love reading about. Or else he insulted Brett Favre. One of the two.

In fact, we're gonna play a fun game - I call it "Did Peter King Actually Write This?" I'll put statements below, and you have to figure out which are from King's Monday Morning QB columns, and which are idiotic phrases I just made up. Ready? Here we go:

1. Good for Kimmie Meissner and Emily Hughes finishing 1-2, respectively, in the skating Nationals. Two beautiful skaters, and good kids, apparently, with their scholastic heads on straight.

2. Second in the MVP voting, first in the all-pro voting at quarterback, and he picks up dog doo. That's what I call a heck of an American.

3. Uh-oh. Jim Mora, semi-jokingly, I believe, is not pleased I reported in this column that I skunked him in ping pong 21-15 on Jan. 6. I know Mora, and I'm betting the next time we meet on the table of doom he'll leave his blood on it trying to get even.

4. But I worry about NHL crowds.

5. You see so much on Amtrak. The sights, yes. The country, yes. But did you know that halfway between Wilmington and Philadelphia, a couple hundred feet off the east side of the tracks, there's a Port-a-John graveyard? That's right. Hundreds of decrepit portable toilets. What a view.

6. If you've never played hopscotch with former Seahawks coach Tom Flores, you haven't lived. Flores lives for the game, folks. But not football. Hopscotch.

7. While covering the Pats game in San Diego, I stayed in a hotel that didn't have the Food Network. No Food Network? I can't imagine living without Molto Mario.

8. I owe you a dollar, Rich McKay.

9. Bring back my copy of "Mannequin 2", Rich Kotite.

10. I'm in the middle of John Grisham's nonfiction book about two murders in Ada, Okla. It's really good. Wish I had time to read it.

11. Coffeenerdness: Not sure if this man ran on the Espresso Ticket, but Bob Goodlatte ran unopposed and won a House seat in the 6th District of Virginia Tuesday night. I'd have thought Fred Finefrappucino would have made a swell opponent.

12. Watched "American Idol" for the first time last week. And I just got sick of the ridiculing and the mocking of the contestants. You're better than that, Simon Cowell.

13. When did it become acceptable in this country to not wear deodorant?

14. I think when all is said and done, no movie role will have a bigger impact in this nation's history than Eddie Murphy as Norbit.

Answers below:
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11 are King's lunacy.)

SUPER BOWL THOUGHTS

This game was always going to be about Peyton Manning more than anyone else. And indeed it was - Peyton was the game's MVP, though either Joseph Addai, Dominic Rhodes, or the entire offensive line deserved it more than he did. The Colts exploted a tired Bears defense and just ran it down their throats. It was a smart gameplan. Apart from his first four throws, Manning was solid if unspectacular. He did exactly what he needed to do. The Colts defense continued its inspired playoff performance, though - the Bears were shut down except for Thomas Jones' big 52-yard run in the 2nd quarter.

And Rex Grossman was terrible, but you knew that was bound to happen. He's young, and he'll likely be much better down the line, but right now, he's just incredibly inconsistent. The Bears had opportunities to win that game, but Grossman threw some bad balls and at one point channeled Casey Clausen circa 2002 as he could not handle a snap.

You can't dislike Tony Dungy. A truly classy man winning a deserved title is always nice to see.

Real Super Bowl Predictions

No way I can compete with the master.

There's A Lot Wrong With This Picture

Three Stories

Story 1: David Beckham Has Too Much Money (from the San Francisco Chronicle):

English soccer ace David Beckham has spent a staggering $1.8 million on the world's most expensive sex toy as a present for his pregnant wife Victoria.

The platinum vibrator, with a 10-carat diamond encrusted base linked to a 16-carat diamond necklace, is one of only 10 in the world -- and was created by London strip-club owner Peter Stringfellow.

Stringfellow reveals Rolling Stone veteran Mick Jagger is also keen to purchase one of the buzzing toys for his girlfriend L'Wren Scott.

Story 2: Gilbert Arenas is Great (from Gilbert's Blog):

D'Antoni said that after I scored 54 on them and made my prediction to score 50 on the Blazers that he'd like to see what I'm going to do against Duke.

I thought it was funny because if I have the chance to go back to college, I’ll give up one NBA season to play against Duke.

One college game…that’s five fouls, right?...40-minute game…at Duke, they got soft rims…I’d probably score 84 or 85.

I wouldn’t pass the ball.

I wouldn’t even think about passing it. It would be like a NBA Live or an NBA 2K7 game, you just shoot with one person.

Please, please let this happen. Just look the other way this one time, NCAA. Please let Gilbert Arenas embarrass Coach K.


Story 3: The Beer Pipeline (from the Moscow Times):

The idea came to St. Petersburg Deputy Governor Alexander Vakhmistrov after he had knocked back a few malted beverages.

Vakhmistrov, who heads up construction in the northern capital, was on hand in Germany recently to watch a football game between two teams sponsored by state natural gas monopoly Gazprom: Zenit from St. Petersburg and the German club Schalke 04.

"At the end of the game, an amusing statistic appeared on the scoreboard: '61,700 people are in attendance, and 44,000 liters of beer have been drunk,'" Vakhmistrov told reporters Wednesday.

Impressed, Vakhmistrov and Zenit president Sergei Fursenko concluded that the Russian club's new stadium should be equipped with a "beer pipeline" like the one at Schalke's Veltins Arena in Gelsenkirchen, which features a five-kilometer pipeline that supplies suds to dozens of restaurants, cafes and snack shops.

"Fursenko and I decided that they can do what they want with the field, the goals and the stands, but we've got to have such a beer pipeline," he told the newspaper Delovoi Peterburg in an interview published Thursday.

Vakhmistrov said the pipeline at Zenit's new $250 million stadium, which is being built on the site of the old Kirovsky stadium on Krestovsky Island, will pump beer to VIP boxes and cafes in the stadium from 1,000-liter kegs.

"They don't bring trucks full of bottles, cans and other packaging into [Veltsin's Arena] anymore," Vakhmistrov said, Delovoi Peterburg reported. "I saw it myself and even drank this beer, as it was a weekend and I could take the liberty."

When upgtading the Liberty Bowl - or building a new stadium - let's leave room in the budget for the Beer Pipeline.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I Give You Sir Paul McCartney Making Mashed Potatoes

Did Chucky Atkins Put in a Trade Request Too?

Just asking.

What a surprising win last night. A pat on the back to the players who sucked it up and performed in the face of a lot of distractions. Pau Gasol recorded a triple-double, and yet it was Chucky Atkins who dropped a near-miraculous 29 and 15 assists on Utah after playing extended minutes following Damon Stoudamire's back spasms. Oh, and Eddie Jones turning back the clock for a rare (final?) great Grizzlies performance that was sealed by hitting the game-winning jumper. Lots of interesting subplots.

No, they couldn't stop Carlos Boozer (18-24 from the field, 39 pts, 15 reb), and yes, the Jazz shot well over 50 percent, and yes, the Jazz outrebounded the Grizzlies by 21, but the win still counts.

One downer: if the Grizzlies were trying (as the rumor holds) to shop Brian Cardinal by putting him in the starting lineup for more exposure, they may want to try a different approach. I don't think I've ever seen a starter play just 2 minutes, get pulled (in a non-injury scenario), then never return. Bravo. I'm guessing that won't increase his trade value.

You Might Think This Is Boring, But It's Not

As with the show, from time to time I'll post things that aren't sports related. If you're only here for sports, feel free to skip over this post.

This is an amazing 1987 PBS documentary from Bill Moyers about the history of United States covert operations in the name of national security. It's long (96 minutes), but fascinating. Though it's 20 years old, it still retains a great deal of importance and relevance today.

WARNING: The Jackson Browne song at the beginning is terrible. Don't let that stop you from watching the rest of the film.

Monday Thoughts

It's hard not to be happy for Peyton Manning today. He played like Tom Brady in the 2nd half of last night's game. The Colts scored 32 points in the second half -- four touchdowns and a FG (and one two-point conversion). That's a remarkable outburst against a team known for its stiff defense and opportunistic play. It was ironic that Tom Brady threw the final pick that sealed the game for the Colts -- a true role-reversal took place in the second half. Manning was Brady, and the Colts were the Patriots.

Manning was outstanding, but so too was Dallas Clark. Clark took full advantage of the weak Patriot linebacking and safety corps for 134 yards, including a huge 52 yard catch late in the ballgame. Harrison and Wayne were ordinary, but Clark was immense.

The Patriots cost-cutting at WR finally came back to haunt them as Reche Caldwell had a BRUTAL second half. Most embarrassing was the play in which he was left completely, totally uncovered, then dropped the ball with no one around him. You'd think with eyes as big as his, he'd be able to see the ball. He straps two tires together to use as glasses.

On the other side, the Bears' defense was opportunistic yet again. Not spectacular, but they were very aggressive and took advantage of a careless Saints team. When it was 16-14 Bears, and the Saints had the ball and were driving in the 3rd quarter, the Saints lost all the momentum. They got nothing out of a drive that looked to merit them at least a field goal (and the lead in the game). After that FG miss, the Bears got a ridiculous safety from Drew Brees, a great drive out of Rex Grossman (who still looks out of his league at times), and a trifecta (sack, forced fumble, fumble recovery) from Wally Ogunleye, and that was that.

Early line is Colts -7. Seems about right to me. Rex Grossman still isn't very good. However, Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson ran very well in the NFC Championship game and face a potentially porous Colt rush D. But Manning will play this one without the pressure we've seen in the postseason so far -- he's got the monkey off his back -- and the Colts will score a lot of points.



Ron Tillery confirmed the Pau Gasol trade request this morning. Here are the salient quotes from today's Commercial Appeal:

Grizzlies center Pau Gasol won't say as much but his actions and agent have delivered the message.

The 7-footer wants out of Memphis.

Pronto.

Given Gasol's play and the feelers his agent, Arn Tellem, have lobbed around the NBA recently, the Grizzlies are suddenly forced to consider their future without someone they've deemed the franchise player.

Gasol made trade overtures before and after Mike Fratello was fired, according to team insiders. The Spaniard dodged the question when asked Sunday if he's demanded a trade at any point this season.

"I don't want to comment on that right now because I don't want it to be a distraction to me or the team," Gasol said. "It's not beneficial to anybody. Whatever happens is yet to be seen."

Yeah, uh, about that distraction thing. Too late, big boy. Jerry West is quoted as saying that Pau is tradeable, but he won't be given away. Michael Heisley agrees. Good. Fine. The problem with this whole scenario is that the minute a trade request becomes public, the value of a player drops. Interested teams know that the Grizzlies are being more or less forced to seriously shop Pau Gasol, and in that situation, the Grizzlies are on the defensive.

Pau's being ridiculous, by the way. Not that you need me to say that. I've always been one of Pau's biggest supporters, but his play this year has been indefensible. This franchise traded away Shareef Abdur-Rahim, a sure 20/10 guy at that time, to get a chance at Pau Gasol. This franchise traded away player after player (Bonzi, J-Will, Posey) that didn't believe in Pau as the nuclues of the team. This franchise sacrificed its commercial leader and public face (Shane Battier) to take a chance on a second star to pair alongside Pau. This franchise maxed out Pau contractually when many people said it was too much money. This franchise publicly supported Pau during his rehab. This franchise didn't stand in his way when he wanted to fulfill his dream and win a World Championship with Spain. After all of that, Pau wants out. Brilliant.

I'll say this -- if he's not traded by Saturday, his reception at the Forum should be interesting. And by interesting, I mean, "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! GO TO HELL!!! YOU SUCK!!! GO BACK TO SPAIN!!!" And so on. It's not like Pau has been Señor Memphis to begin with. In the best of times, he's likely to be booed after a few bad plays. Now, he's Most Hated Numero Uno.

Potential deals:

1. Chicago sends Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, and P.J. Brown for Pau Gasol.

As I wrote yesterday, this is apparently close to an actual starting point in negotiations between Chicago and Memphis. This would be a good return for Pau, although I'm not as wild about Deng as some people are. Brown's 8.5 million dollar expiring would be nice, as well. I'd like to add Brian Cardinal's deal to this trade (it would still work under the salary cap that way). Chicago might ask for a bit more in the deal since Cardinal's deal is so bad, but that would certainly be worth it.

2. Utah sends Andrei Kirilenko and Gordan Giricek for Pau/Cardinal.

This is where we get into the realm of the theoretical. Utah isn't happy with Kirilenko's effort and performance this season (see Jazz owner Larry Miller ripping AK47 in this Salt Lake Tribune article) and Pau would fit in beautifully alongside Carlos Boozer. Kirilenko is a big-time player, no doubt, and while his numbers aren't good this year, he's capable of putting up 5X5's every night (5X5's are stat lines with at least 5 points, rebounds, assists, steals, and blocks). Not many can do that. Giricek is in just to balance out the salaries.

3. Boston sends Gerald Green, Al Jefferson, and Theo Ratliff for Gasol/Cardinal.

This deal would be a big, big risk. Pau may be a girl, but he's a productive NBA player. Green and Jefferson could turn into two very good players -- Jefferson is already a very solid rebounder, and Green has shown flashes of brilliance. Ratliff would be Eddie Jones in this deal...a mostly useless veteran whose contract expires after two seasons.

4. L.A. Lakers send Andrew Bynum, Vladimir Radmanovic, Chris Mihm, Shammond Williams, and Maurice Evans for Gasol/Cardinal.

Tyler likes this move. Obviously you get Bynum and a whole lot of crap back, but if Bynum turns into a huge megastar, this is a win. What if you were to do this deal and when get the first overall pick? Do you still draft Oden?

5. Toronto sends Chris Bosh for Pau.

My dream move. Please let Pau play with his Spanish teammates Calderon and Garbajosa.


Bill Parcells is retiring. Probably should have happened after last year. He's a legend, without question, but like Joe Gibbs, his time is up. Could Nick Saban pull a Franchione on Alabama? Please, Jerry Jones, offer him a jillion dollars -- let's see what happens.


RIP Bam Bam Bigelow. Here's Bam Bam in action against legendary grappler Barry Horowitz.

Is Vecsey Right...For Once?

Once again, New York Post writer Peter Vecsey has weighed in on the Grizzlies - the only person writing more on the Griz in a paper is my radio partner Ron Tillery. Most of the time, I tend to dismiss Vecsey's writing pretty quickly. However, today's piece has an air of truth about it:

"Sources throughout the NBA disclose the 7-foot Gasol, an elite post-up performer, as tough a cover as there is within 15 feet of the rim, suddenly is eminently obtainable. Distressed at management's rebuilding-with-adolescence mood, the 27 1/2-year-old has asked to be traded to a playoff-positioned ensemble that, of course, would be instantly transformed into a legit title contender.

The offended Grizzlies aim to oblige.

I put this out there with utter certainty. Infallible informers report Grizzlies president Jerry West has explored prospective trade arrangements with at least three teams regarding Gasol. In order to protect my sources, the only one I'm willing to identify for the time being is the Bulls."

No more weird Pau faces in Memphis?

Is this true? Though he's been wrong several times before, Vecsey's pretty sure of himself on this one. I'm inclined to think that something along these lines has gone on - Pau's clearly not happy at all with the direction of the team, and while he and his family have grown to like Memphis, I'd imagine he wouldn't be upset with a move to a more Spanish-speaking, bigger town (like Chicago, for example).

Along those same lines, management isn't thrilled at all with Pau's effort level since coming back. Defensively, he's worse than before because he's just not trying. Offensively, he's shooting well enough, but he's not aggressive in making moves to the basket, and he's relying more on cutesy-poo lay-ins and longish jumpers than normal. Jerry West and Tony Barone have asked Pau to play with fire and passion for Memphis, not just for Spain. It hasn't worked. He's not leading the team, he's not doing the little things (or the big things) you need an All-Star to do for your team when they're struggling, he's just lifeless -- and it's contagious.

Pau rushed back from rehab to find a total disaster where a good team once stood. He's made it clear -- in Spain, at least -- that he wants to win a championship soon, and he has to be able to see that a championship in Memphis isn't happening in the next 3-4 years. It stands to reason he might want out.

So, let's say there is truth to this inflammatory report. What would the Grizzlies get in return? Vecsey speculates:

The Bulls also own what Memphis wants, namely Luol Deng ($2.6 million) and Ben Gordon ($3.86M). In order to satisfy salary/transaction specs, Chicago would have to include P.J. Brown ($8.56M). I'm told the Grizzlies are prepared to add Hakim Warrick ($1.2M) to a pot that so far does not include draft picks; Gasol currently is on the books for $12.8M and is owed $63M over the next four seasons.

So, Gasol for Deng/Gordon/P.J. Brown? The Bulls are very high on Luol Deng and especially Ben Gordon - Gordon is a fantastic scorer and a game-changer. He tore up the Grizzlies last Saturday as a starter, but he's normally a 6th-man who can energize a team. Deng is a great defender who's still got work to do offensively. If I trade Gasol, I'd want the Knicks 1st round draft pick for next year that Chicago has the rights to. Brown/Gordon/2007 Knicks 1st for Gasol would have to be tempting for Jerry West. You get what will likely be a lottery pick in a very deep draft, you get Brown's 8+ million off the cap at season's end, and you get a scoring machine in Gordon. I'd rather have that pick than Luol Deng.

I've long said that there aren't many guys in the league I'd trade Pau for, and that is still true. The deal above is not one I'm overly fond of, but it's not bad if you are resigned to trading Pau. I'd love to get Chris Bosh from Toronto for Pau (as I tell Ron over and over again), or a similar young superstar. Maybe that's possible. But if an unmotivated and passionless Pau continues to sleepwalk his way through this season, his value is only going to drop.

Any ideas on trading Pau that actually work? Use ESPN's trade machine (I've helpfully added a link to on the right) and find trades that would work. Email them to me or leave them in the comments.

I Want That TV - NFL Picks Edition

Tyler, be sure to forward this to the Rainman, cause I want to win that TV he's giving away. Apparently no one else wants it, so I do. Someone jump in here while I'm doing these picks.

New Orleans at Chicago

Grossman is due to suck and Deggie McBushister will run wild.

New Orleans 27 Chicago 21

New England at Indianapolis

If Peyton Manning can't win this one, he's never getting to the Super Bowl.

Indianapolis 28 New England 17

Gator Stomp?

If you know me, you know I can't stand Florida. I went to Tennessee, for crying out loud -- I can't very well do anything other than hate Florida. However, I have a great deal of respect for the way they put their alligator shoes directly up some Buckeye tail in the BCS National Championship game a couple of weeks ago.

There was something that appears to have been overlooked, though. Watch this video and see Ohio State linebacker Curtis Terry put on an off-Broadway performance of Stomp directly on Tim Tebow's head. In addition to the stomps, Terry also appears to throw two vicious punches at Tebow after Tebow was tackled.

If Marcus Vick was ripped for stamping on Louisville DE Elvis Dumervil's calf in last year's Gator Bowl and if Albert Haynesworth was severely punished for stepping on Cowboy center Andre Gerode's face, why hasn't anyone said anything about this?