Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Hope You Like My Notes, Jackass

So I leave my house as I do most every morning--just getting ready for the show--and I go up to my car and notice that it's unlocked. That's odd. I don't typically leave it unlocked, you know. I open my unlocked door to find that someone has gone through my car and taken my briefcase. My glove compartment was left open, but they didn't take anything from it (not that there was anything of any value to take). The thief will have certainly left disappointed after going through my case, as there is virtually nothing of any significant value (unless you count cheap headphones as valuable).

That's not the point, of course. Monetarily, the value was slim. To me, and to me alone, the value was immense. I was so angry this morning I wanted to rip someone's face off. I'm still a little angry even now. There's no use worrying about it now, I suppose. I'll just have to remind the insurance company about the original Van Gogh I accidentally left in there.


You can't pitch to Pujols. Even with white-hot Reggie Sanders waiting in the wings.

You can't walk Edmonds. High fastballs will get Jimmy every time.

Joe Carter > Bill Mazeroski > Kirk Gibson > Jim Leyritz > Aaron Boone > Bucky Dent > Albert Pujols

I'll be watching closely to see how Brad Lidge responds to this adversity. Will be be like Mark Wohlers and flame out, or will he be like Mariano Rivera and respond by getting even better?

I was sad to see Allan Houston retire. Not as sad as his bank in New York, but still sad.

The NBA's new dress code is ridiculous. When you go to an NBA game, you go to be entertained by your favorite team and their opponent. It is, in essence, like going to a play or a show--when the performers are on stage, then by all means, require them to be in uniform or appropriate gear. When they are backstage (or, in this case, in the locker room), who cares what they dress like? Are there not more important things for the NBA to be worried about than this? Some players dress very nicely after games without a dress code (Lorenzen Wright and Dahntay Jones spring to mind), some don't (Steve Nash and Greg Ostertag jump out at me)--but does it matter? Why take individual style out? Should we then ban dunking, or other individual displays of flair? Once players are in the locker room, let them dress as they wish. This is just stupid.

Eli Savoie ripped me this afternoon on Middays because I made the claim that I would go back to work if I won the $340 million Powerball grand prize. I can assure you I would go back to work, and I can also assure Eli Savoie that he has talked his way out of getting ANY of my money, should the unthinkably incredible event of me winning the lottery occur. You have to have something in your life that you love besides money. I'm not saying I wouldn't take an unbelievable vacation, I'm just saying I'd come back to work. Whether Savoie believes me or not.

That little David Eckstein sure is small. Hey, Dave, when you get four balls in an AB, it's called a "walk", not a "run", buddy.

If you can kick a field goal of more than 30 yards, please report to Coach Orgeron's office.

Despite what you might have heard, Patrick Willis is NOT out for the season, obviously. But he is the best defensive player in the SEC--he's playing with one hand, on a sprained MCL, and he's had 44 tackles in the last three games. No one in the nation is more important to his team than Patrick Willis. Who is, again, not out for the season.

I'll be in Tuscaloosa this weekend along with rabid Alabama fan Will Askew and "rabid" Georgia fan (and frequent blog updater) Rob Fischer. It will be an upset if me and Will don't fight by Saturday evening. I know that Will and Fish are both picking Tennessee for some reason, but, as a Tennessee fan, I can tell you I have very little confidence in them at this point. Rick Clausen isn't good enough, Erik Ainge is mentally out of it, and the team's got to raise its level immensely to have a chance against 'Bama. I don't think they can do it. Hope I'm wrong.

Can't wait for Rocky VI. I heard that Stallone is sparring with Roy Jones, Jr. to get prepared for the fight. Yeah. Good. I'm sure RJJ is giving, what, .00000000007% effort? Stallone wants Roy Jones, Jr. to play the role of, get this, Mason "The Line" Dixon, which is without a doubt the dumbest character name in the history of the movies. Once your leading man starts to have prostate problems, it sort of strains credibility for him to portray a boxer. Just a little.

Writing about Mason "The Line" Dixon has inspired me--email me if you can think of the stupidest character names in movie/TV history. I'll include them in a later update.

Keep checking out our new and improved website--we've got all kinds of audio for you to download, and we'll soon have pictures and other cool content for you to see and hear.

For those of you into rivalries, watch Fox Soccer Channel (Time Warner channel 219) this Sunday to see Newcastle take on Sunderland in the Tyne-Wear derby. You will not find a more intense sporting event (except for Alabama/Tennessee) than this. And, of course, you have to pull for Newcastle. Unless you're stupid.

Rest of my Thoughts (Larry King-style)

Is there a better snack than the Oatmeal Creme Pie, gang?

I don't know about you, but I think we've overlooked French Guiana for too long.

When it comes to coffee, cream is good, but so is half and half.

Whatever happened to Zamfir, master of the pan flute?

My wish for 2006, folks, is that we see more of Dustin Diamond.

There's never been a more satisfying 60 minutes of television than "Murder, She Wrote".

I enjoy beets.

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