Monday, March 05, 2007

Billy Packer Should Be Fired

If anyone can watch this and tell me Billy Packer is anything other than a shill for Coach K and the Dukies, then they're insane. Packer knows how bad Gerald Henderson's forearm shiver to the face of Tyler Hansbrough looks (and is), and he goes into full defense mode to protect his buddy Mike Krzyzewski. It was full of belligerent repetition of the "it was unintentional" line; repetition that barely extended Jim Nantz a chance to respond. At this point, Packer sounds like nothing more than a grumpy old man with an axe to grind.

Actually, forget a regular grumpy old man. Packer sounds like THE Grumpy Old Man.

Grumpy Old Man: I'm oooooold! And I'm not happy! And I don't like things now compared to the way they used to be. All this progress -- phooey! In my day, we didn't have these cash machines that would give you money when you needed it. There was only one bank in each state -- it was open only one hour a year. And you'd get in line, seventeen miles long, and the line became an angry mob of people -- fornicators and thieves, mutant children and circus freaks -- and you waited for years and by the time you got to the teller, you were senile and arthritic and you couldn't remember your own name. You were born, got in line, and ya died! And that's the way it was and we liked it!

Life was a carnival! We entertained ourselves! We didn't need moooovin' pitchurrrres. In my day, there was only one show in town -- it was called "Stare at the sun!" ... That's right! You'd sit in the middle of an open field and stare up at the sun till your eyeballs burst into flames! And you thought, "Oh, no! Maybe I shouldn't've stared directly into the burning sun with my eyes wide open." But it was too late! Your head was on fire and people were roastin' chickens over it. ... And that's the way it was and we liked it!

Progress?! Flobble-de-flee! In my day, when we were angry and frustrated, we just said, "Flobble-de-flee!" 'cause we were idiots and we didn't know what else to say! Just a bunch o' illiterate Cro-Magnons, blowin' on crusty handkerchiefs, waitin' in lines for our head to burst into flame and that's the way it was and we liked it!

"In my day, Coach K never did nuthin' wrong! And that's the way it was, and we liked it!"

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